Gotta wonder why...

Sometimes I just think to myself: why the heck am I doing this? What am I really bringing to these communities? Is this more of a selfish learning experience, an excuse to play in the jungle for 2 years and then return to the states where I can continue my regular life?

Inspired by my friend Andrea to start a moringa nursery with my counterpart, Serges, as an income generating project, I convinced my supervisor to give me about 200 seeds of Moringa for free. Each Moringa tree can fetch about 5 dollars on the market in Yaounde, maybe 4 dollars in the South since they are so new. We worked on filling the sachets with earth and we planted the seeds together. I had it in my head that I could bring a small business volunteer down to help Serges with the business aspect of running a tree nursery. About a month ago, we found out that (someone important from the regional ministry, who's name shall not be named) of animal husbandry was looking for moringa trees! Great! What a great opportunity. You have money? We have trees!

About a week ago I got a call from Serges telling me that he got rid of most of the trees. I asked him how much the delegate bough them for, to which his response was he would tell me in person. A few days later, in person, the real story comes out. It turns out that he took them for free with his word (which, in my opinion, is not worth much) that he would help my counterpart access a government subsidy.

This problem is so complex. First of all, the people running the government subsidy couldn't be happier to give away their money. For them it is a problem of finding the groups that fit the bill. Secondly, what an abuse of power! He who shall not be named loves throwing his power around, and even tries to use it to get me to spend the weekend at his ranch when I ask him questions like, "I have a farmer interested in rabbit raising. Any advice?" The answer: "I raise rabbits. You should come to my house this weekend and you can see for yourself. " Uh, not going to your house, even if it were for a minute, because you are clearly a dirtbag. He gets what he wants, without having to pay for it, because his money and power are worth more than other peoples'. Third, it is evident that in the game of corruption, money begets money. This is a system contrived to keep the poor at the marginal levels of society while the rich continue to profit from their wealth (re: power). This system becomes all the more evident the more time you spend in it, and especially since I have been reading The Fate of Africa by Martin Meredith, a modern history of Africa post-independence. I am about halfway done, and I am already getting bored by the repetative nature of modern leaders. Yes, they are corrupt, yes they exploit resources to their advantage, and no they don't give a damn about their own people.

And what did my counterpart have to say? "Lauren, this is how we fight corruption. You have to get at it from the inside, build yourself up a little, and then you can say no to corruption." Uh, I think that is a good way to support corruption. And God forbid you advance yourself a little, what comes next? I only see this history repeating itself. If you can ever advance yourself from poverty to the point where you have a little cash to spend, I think history tells us that you will likely become a part of the system. I was so disheartened (re: realized I threw away a lot of time and government money to feed into the corruption system. SHIT, really?) that I had to tell Judith; sage, sage Judith. Her reaction: You can never count on anyone in this system but yourself. If you want to see change, don't expect it to come from anyone but yourself. Maybe I like that because it resonates with the American can-do, but it seems to be the only way for me to explain it to Serges. And it is likely he wont understand. But, because it is likely that He Who Shall Not Be Named will "forget" his promise to help Serges access this subsidy, maybe Serges will get it in the end.

And I learned, yet again, that things for free are easily thrown away. It is when you pay for them that you realize their value. I just hope that I can make up for feeding into the corruption. And that, after I take my vacation back to the states (Oh, thank goodness for vacations), I will want to return to my post. Even if it is only for my puppy.